“Even during the most busy and stressful day, getting his face Even
during the most busy and stressful day, getting his face reminds me that
my marriage is by far the most important thing in my life.”
1. Send Each Other Selfies
“Because I travel so much for my business and my husband is sometimes
on long calls and shifts at the hospital (and it’s difficult to talk on
the phone), we have this ritual where we send each other selfies. I
text him ‘send face,’ and he sends a photo of his face, regardless of
where he is or what he is doing. I do the same when he texts. I love
this ritual. It started when he was in residency and he got an iPhone.
He was on a 36-hour call, and I was missing him. So, he sent me his
face. This ritual has helped us stay close to each other even when we
both have busy schedules. Even during the most busy and stressful day,
getting his face reminds me that my marriage is by far the most
important thing in my life.”
—Priyanka, 32, and Ragu, 33, married 3 1/2 years
2. Create a Goofy Nickname
“A couple of years ago, when Adam and I first started dating
(long-distance), we shared funny videos we found back and forth. One day
Adam showed me a video of Brian Bodande, a character on a show in the
U.K. called Facejacker. Basically, Brian says every word with the B
sound at the front…so words like cow would actually become bow in
Brian’s language. I just thought this was so hilarious, and clearly Adam
did too. We started saying lots of things with the B sound. Eventually
it turned into us giving each other the pet name of Bick. Now we only
call each other by Bick. Every single day, I get to work with an email
from Adam, which just says ‘Bick?’ If we really want each other’s
attention we say ‘Biiiiiiiiiiiiiick?’ My phone has even started
autocorrecting to Bick.”
—Kristen, 29, and Adam, 27, together for 2 years
3. Make a Snuggle Signal
“I have this little move I do where it means it’s time to snuggle. Then I run and jump on the bed and we snuggle.”
—Robin, 28 and Derrick, 34, married for 2 1/2 years
4. Top the Dog
“For those of us with dogs, we know after a long day, they will be
anxiously waiting to greet us at the door. Our ritual is called Top the
Dog: When you get home, the greeting you give your spouse needs to top
the greeting you give your dog. Every day, Fabian comes home, and before
he does anything, he looks into my eyes, smiles, gives me a kiss
(usually two or three), and asks how I am, he then greets our daughter
with a hug and a kiss, and finally, our dear Boston terrier, Obie.
Fabian immediately washes up and takes over whatever I am doing, so that
I can take break and tell him about my day. Something as simple as
being the first one he greets with love, enthusiasm, a smile, and a kiss
makes me feel loved, valued, and appreciated.”
—Alexandra, 31, and Fabian, 40, married 3 years
5. Scribble Sweet Notes
“We purchased a message board for our refrigerator that we write on
each day. Pete leaves early for work, so I get to wake up each morning
to a note from him, which I erase and then leave him one. Our rule with
the message board is that it has to be used in a positive form. It can’t
be used to discuss things that need to get done or if there are any
issues at hand. We also send each other text messages in the morning as
well, always around the same window of time, saying to have a great day
and that we love each other. If for some reason one forgets to leave a
note on the board since they are in a rush, that message is communicated
via text. It’s a great way to start the day.”
—Shannon, 32, and Peter, 45, married 10 months
6. Make Up Dances
“Ashley and I try to crack each other up all the time, so we invent
and ‘trademark’ little dances for each other for various daily
occurrences. There are little dances for each day of the week (the
Friday Dance!) and mealtimes (the Guacamole Dance!). They are our
attempt to entertain each other with a spontaneous moment of joy, and
they always result in a laugh.”
—Ashley, 31 and Brian, 33, married for 3 years
7. Start a Morning Check-In
“The first year of our marriage, Paul was working a lot and it was
hard for me. When we were trying to figure out how to resolve my
frustration and unhappiness, we found that there was no ‘daily’
emotional connection between us and this is what I needed. We also
learned to have better communication, take the time to talk about our
feelings, and ask meaningful questions.
We started a ritual: Paul would wake me up every morning before going
to work. He would sit down next to me on the bed and ask me about my
day. I would do the same, and he would kiss me goodbye. It took 5 to 10
minutes max, but it made me feel loved and cared for.
—Mathilde, 30, and Paul, 33, married for 2 years
8. End the Day on a Nice Note
“Before we go to sleep each night, each of us tells the other one
reason we love each other always beginning with, ‘I love you because….’
It started by one of us saying it one night and then the other said
something back and then it just stuck.”
—Liz, 31, and Scott, 31, married 5 years, together 13 years
9. Get Things Cookin’
“We both love cooking, and at least two or three times a week, one of
us will be in charge of dinner. It’s our time to catch up and listen to
music. We make sure to turn off our TV and put away our phones during
our little home-cooked dinners so we are focused on each other.”
—Smith, 28, and Harris, 27, married for 6 months
10. Take Turns Treating Each Other
“I am an extreme morning person, waking up every day with a smile on
my face. Drew is a terrible morning person and finds his energy in the
evening. So we have an unwritten ritual that in the morning, his wish is
my command. I make the coffee, bring it to him in bed, make breakfast
and our lunches, let out and feed our pets, and take care of anything
else that he might want or need. On the flip side, once evening comes,
my wishes are his command; it is all about me! He brings me a drink or
snack in bed if I want, he takes care of our dog and cat, massages me,
and basically does any and everything I want or need as I relax.”
—Laura, 46, and Drew, 48, together for 6 years
11. Keep a Coffee Date
“My husband, Tom, and I are very independent and private people, so
connecting on a deeper level took some time for us (we dated eight years
before getting married). We identified a morning routine, getting
coffee, which we both had in common but had always done alone. Morning
coffee runs have now become a regular part of our life as a married
couple. We chat about work, things we look forward to that day/week, and
tell jokes. I cannot think of a better way to start my day than smiling
across a cafe table from Tom. I’ve even upped my coffee intake from
Tall to Venti just so our ‘dates’ can be a few minutes longer each
morning.”
—Erin, 30, and Tom, 29, married 2 months
12. Make Goals Together
“Every year, we write down our New Year’s resolutions together and
post them somewhere where we can see them. When Joe and I met, he had
recently left his corporate job to go back to school and pursue his
dream career; I was still a college student. Nonetheless we believed in
each other so wholly that we did everything in our power to empower the
other. Now here we are, and Joe is doing very well in advertising. I
landed my dream job teaching fourth grade in a highly sought-after
district. We have come through this experience knowing that we will see
the other person through anything. We work together to set goals for
each year, knowing with each other’s support, we will achieve it all.”
—Kaitlin, 25, and Joe, 32, married for 1 1/2 years
13. Drop It Like It’s Hot
“My husband and I are always joking around, and we’ve developed a
pretty silly habit. Whenever one of us is holding something (not
fragile), the other will casually ask to see it. Then once, say, I hand
it over, he throws it on the floor. It’s so dumb, but it’s always funny
when he or I fall for it. Bonus points if you do it in a public place,
like in the security line at an airport.”
—Ali, 29, and Paul, 37, married 2 years
14. Celebrate a Weekly Holiday
“[Because of our opposite work schedules], we were like two ships in
the night—roommates with rings. We were in love and happy, but I didn’t
feel as if we were connecting. I created ‘Matthew Monday,’ a weekly
holiday for which I write my husband a long letter on a greeting card,
full of inside jokes and thank-yous. I thank him for taking the dog out
at 4 A.M., taking out the trash, doing the dishes, changing lightbulbs,
cleaning the stroller wheels. Nothing is too minor or mundane. And you
know what? He gets a little giddy whenever he arrives home on Monday to
find the card on his pillow. He keeps all of them in his drawer, and
I’ve noticed he’s much more eager to help out around the house because
he knows I’ll notice and thank him for it!”
—Ashley, 30, and Matthew, 31, married for 3 years
15. Walk Each Other to Work
“Nicole and I either walk to or from work together. The walk is about
20 to 30 minutes. Especially at the end of the day, it’s a great way to
catch up.”
—Andrew, 38, and Nicole, 31, married for 2 years
16. Show Interest in Your Daily Plans
“Every morning before departing, we ask each other, ‘What is your day
going to be like today?’ This gets us to share things we are excited
about and dreading and often results in us working to be a better team.
‘Oh, your day seems stressful. I’ll be sure to get home right on time to
walk the dog so you don’t have to.’ Or, ‘I’ll pick up food for dinner
since you’ll be working late. What would you like?’ That sort of thing.
Another one: We try to, once a month, play our first dance song from our
wedding and dance together.”
—Kate, 30, and Matt Fitzgerald, 32, married for 1 1/2 years
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